24 Jack Bauer facts:

1) The truth may hurt, but it doesn't hurt as much as Jack Bauer.

2) When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

3) Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

4) Under intense interrogation by Jack Bauer, the fifth dentist cracked and admitted he recommends Trident for his patients.

5) If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

6) When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer".

7) Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

8) When Google doesn't know the answer, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

9) Don't ever ask Jack Bauer what is going on. He'll explain in the car.

10) "Simon Says" should be renamed to "Jack Bauer Says" because if Jack Bauer says something, then you better do it.

11) Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

12) Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

13) Anything is a weapon of mass destruction in the hands of Jack Bauer.

14) Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

15) There have been no terrorist attacks in the United States since Jack Bauer appeared on television.

16) Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with the ability to make Chloe O'Brien drop the personality disorder and patch him through.

17) The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

18) If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

19) Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

20) Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're dead."

21) Oil and water don't mix, unless Jack Bauer tells them to.

22) Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

23) All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Jack Bauer.

24) The safety on Jack's gun isn't there to protect Jack. It's there to protect the gun.